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Written by FRE
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Thursday, 10 June 2010 19:13 |
Now that hockey is officially over for another season, Hockeyoutsiders sits down with their Stanley Cup notes from an epic David vs. Goliath matchup. Only in this instance, Goliath won. Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks, your 2009-10 Stanley Cup Champions. Anyway, on to the notebook:
-Philly and Chicago just set back goaltending 100 years. Think guys like Turco and Nabokov liked watching these finals as they saw the bags of cash that were suppose to be thrown at them this offseason, turn into possible signings with the KHL? The new goaltending model is to spend no money on the position, have a solid defense and skilled forwards and look like a genius. Any team spending over $3MM next year in goaltending is going to look really foolish. Vesa Toskala should stay glued to his phone because that dude is going to make more money than he should this offseason thanks to Michael Leighton.
The Blackhawks got the last laugh
-So the curse of Marian Hossa is finally over. Also apparently the hockey gods are fine with painting murals of players with the Stanley Cup, draping statues in jerseys and planning the parade prior to winning anything. Perhaps the only curse still in place today is the touching of the conference championship trophy. Or perhaps just the city of Philadelphia is cursed and doing these things only matters if you are a fan of that team. Maybe if you’re from Philly you should consider becoming an atheist today.
-Any talk of a Chicago dynasty should die within the next 2 weeks when the full magnitude of Dave Tallon’s horrible management of the salary cap ensures that probably 2 or more key members of this year’s squad get different addresses for the start of next season. Just a quick glance at the payroll numbers show the Blackhawks about $5MM over the estimated cap already, which means they have to take Huet outside and shoot him just to get back to the cap. Then they need to sign 9 more players with no cap space, which means we sure hope Brian Campbell enjoys playing for the Rockford IceHogs. It probably also means Versteeg, Sharp and that black dude that everyone in Chicago loves, but fans of every other team hate (no, not Chris Pronger) is probably going to be playing elsewhere watching the Blackhawks raise the Stanley Cup banner to the rafters in the United Center on their television.
-As to the Flyers, they seem to have less issues going into the offseason then the Blackhawks other than in goal, which we have already discussed. Our bet is that it will be another 10 years before we see this team in the finals again by virtue of the fact that how often in the playoffs do you get to face three teams in the bottom half of the NHL in terms of offense in the playoffs? Not since the 1987 Edmonton Oilers has the road to the finals been as easy as it was for the Flyers this year. It’s not their fault that Pittsburgh fucked their chance up so epicly by choking to the smurf-like Montreal Canadiens in round 2.
-As long as there is playoff hockey, there will be whining about officiating. For most of the series, Chicago was whining about the refs even though they were winning. Then when the stripes finally put away their whistles during the third period of game 6, the Flyers got robbed by a late 3rd period call that should have been made. Every hockey fan should just take a step back and accept the fact that there is no solution to this problem. It’s inevitable like death, taxes, and Pierre McGuire’s man-crush on Mike Richards. Officiating is going to be bad regardless of which team you root for. Ice is cold, water is wet, Gary Bettman will die before he gets replaced as the commissioner and your mother-in-law is a bitch. Get used to it. Or maybe it’s just way too much fun to rock that tin foil hat you’ve been making for the last few years.
-Finally, be thankful you didn’t have to watch Detroit and Pittsburgh in the cup finals for the third straight season. I doubt Bettman allows that to happen again on his watch. He’s already assured that one of either Washington or Pittsburgh will be in the cup finals next year by virtue of putting them in the Winter Classic game together.
Thanks to all our loyal followers and readers of Hockeyoutsiders. We hope that this season has been as enjoyable for you as it has been for us. We like the LA Kings chances in 2011!
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 10 June 2010 19:25 )
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Written by HO Staff
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Friday, 28 May 2010 20:21 |
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10 or Maybe less Questions with the HO Staff
 VS  FRE and LGF, the two contributing members of Hockeyoutsiders sit down to discuss and analyze the Stanley Cup Finals featuring the #2 seeded Chicago Blackhawks vs. #7 seeded Philadelphia Flyers. Here’s the interview.
1. Which Playoff jinx is worse?
LGF: Well, if there are hockey gods, then the Blackhawks jinx has to be worse. I'm not sure that I know what their jinx is, but this team should probably go another 50 years without a Cup as punishment for the sorry excuses for hockey teams that Old Man Wirtz threw out on the ice in the years leading up to the salary cap.
FRE: Well, if you put it that way, the Blackhawks will probably surely win, just because Wirtz died, so they are due for some good fortune now right. I mean, that’s assuming you can ignore the pig-nose Toews mural and the fact that Hossa now plays for them. I mean, you could walk into Starbucks and order a “Hossa” which was like espresso, without a cup…Although, many Flyers fans are cringing because captain Mike Richards actually smiled and carried the Prince of Wales trophy into the dressing room. I would think that this was much more desirable than treating the trophy like you might get a serious case of herps from even looking at it, like Toews did. I’m going to have to say, whatever team loses, will blame whatever their team did pre-series on the loss. It’s that or the officiating. Can I get odds on this?
2. Who has the worst situation in goal?
FRE: Who was the last rookie goalie to win a cup? I rest my case. LGF: It was Ward in 2006 for the Carolina Hurricanes. FRE: Uh, yeah, I was picking the Flyers.
LGF: This one is easily the Flyers. Niemi may end up being a never-was, but at least he's not a has-been (Boucher) or a guy that has been claimed on waivers a half-dozen times (Leighton). I don't care what Michael Leighton's playoff numbers are, he's always going to be on the losing side of any goaltending matchup, prediction-wise anyway.
3. Which team will have the biggest drama?
LGF: Again, the Flyers get the nod here too. The only team in the NHL that has more drama than Philadelphia is Pittsburgh and that's only because they have the biggest drama queen. So, yes, the Flyers, even though Clarkie is just a figurehead these days. 
FRE: I’m going to have to agree with you here. In the first round, you had the Devils coach throwing a jar of jelly at the wall after the Devils dropped game 4 to go into a 2 game hole. In the second round, you had the epic Boston choke after being up 3-0. In the third round, you had what is now referred to as “Sandgate” in Montreal. On the flip side, can you even remember one thing said about Chicago? I mean, it’s really Chicago playing in the finals right? Because I haven’t read a damn thing about them.
4.. Who has the “History will be made” edge?
FRE: I have to admit, the whole marketing campaign for these playoffs seemed rather lame to start out with…but now it’s growing on me. It also helps that history is actually being made these playoffs. I’m going with Philadelphia again, because, yeah, waiver wire goalie, coming back from a 3-0 hole and the fact that they are the luckiest damn team I’ve ever watched and I even saw some of the Montreal vs. Washington/Pittsburgh series.
LGF: Chicago...Dustin Bufflin (I'm not spelling that ridiculous last name) could be the first black dude to win the Stanley Cup and we have a black dude manning the White House, so there's a historical story for you...And Patrick Kane could end up being the first white dude that dressed up like a black dude to win the Cup. Hey, it’s the culture of the team….
5. Who has the best Olympic captain?
LGF: Anaheim.
FRE: I meant Olympian who is the captain of their respective team…forget it…hard to argue with that.
6. Who has the best alcoholics?
FRE: Kane and the cabbie incident doesn’t hold a candle to the Flyer’s rock stars. What do you think Richards is thinking in that picture? I'm betting that it has to do with something that rhymes with "I'm getting paid..."
LGF: This is easily the toughest question of the lot. The Flyers boast a potent lineup here, even with legendary partiers like Joffrey Lupul and Scottie Upshall shipped out of town. Ben Eager was also shipped out of Philly and landed in Chicago. The Blackhawks also have the "limo incident" from earlier this season and Ed Belfour once played for them, so I'd say that pretty much puts them over the top.
7. Who parties with the most porn stars?
LGF: Philly 1 - Chicago 0
FRE: Is that her nipple? don’t know, that bare-chested Patrick Kane incident is giving Gina Lynn a run for her money. Wait, those aren’t hookers with Kane? Could have fooled me.
8. What is your prediction?
FRE: Hawks in 5.
LGF: Pain.
*Remainder of the interview has been edited out for ridiculous content and stupid jokes.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 28 May 2010 20:54 )
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Written by FRE
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Sunday, 16 May 2010 16:15 |
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Western Conference Finals  #1 SJ Sharks vs. #2 Chicago Blackhawks
The Western conference this year was anything, but unpredictable. The only thing strange that might have occurred this year is that the Sharks didn't disappear in the first or second round, but then again, they didn't exacty have to play a legitimate cup contender in either round. After all, the Colorado Avalanche were just happy to be there and the Detroit Red Wings are older than dirt and have played 9,000 hockey games in the last 3 seasons, so it's not surprising that they simply ran out of gas. 
Fezzik likes the Blackhawks In this series, we hope for a little drama. We hope that despite these teams never meeting each other ever in the playoffs that right from the first puck drop, that they will genuinely hate each other. We hope that the officials let them play and that the intensity level is ratcheted up. We're pretty sure that none of these things will happen. We are pretty sure that the officiating will be ridiculous. We are also quite sure that with the supreme talent levels on both sides of the ice, that we'll see half a game of special teams play and goals will be plentiful. Due to this fact, we won't even get into who has the better defense and goaltending and forwards, because, well, it's going to be all about who spends the least amount of time in the box. Should we pick the Blackhawks to win, We don't know that might be a sin. San Jose are sharks and have two Joe's, Nabokov in big games seems to blow. San Jose should win, I mean it! Anybody want a peanut? This series is hard to pick. We take the Blackhawks in 6. Eastern Conference Finals #7 Philadelphia Flyers vs. #8 Montreal Canadiens This series is going to come down to one thing...luck. 
Vizzini takes the Flyers, we think... Montreal has been supremely lucky this far, being outshot, being outhited, being outchanced, yet they still found a way to win. Their shooting percentage is uncanny and their goaltending has been stellar. The Flyers have also been lucky. Twice in their series against Boston they found themselves down in a 3-0 hole. Both times they lucked out and found a way to win. Unbelievable many have said, lucky, is what we say. Which team will get lucker this round? It's hard to say. On one hand you have Montreal, a supposed team of destiny that wins a Stanley Cup every decade (although they just missed this decade, maybe Lady Luck can't count or had a hangover). On the other hand, every cup final has had at least one team featured from that season's Winter Classic. So that would point to the Flyers. Every division round series started out 1-1, so that would favor the Canadiens. However, the second round featured every seed of teams, so that would favor the Flyers as the lucky number 7. They say goaltending wins championships, so this would seem to point to the Canadiens, however only 3 teams have come back from 3-0 holes to win a series, so naturally that screams Flyers. Barry Melrose has picked the Flyers in 7, which of course, means the Canadiens will win...however the Flyers have Simon Gagne and Danny Briere who both are French Canadians...oh right you want me to make my choice.....I guess we'll take the Canadiens.... HOLY CRAP, WHAT IS THAT! *points off in distance* Flyers in 7 You have fallen prey to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go against a Sicilian with picks on the line....hahahahahahaha
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Last Updated ( Monday, 17 May 2010 13:42 )
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Written by FRE
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Thursday, 13 May 2010 19:49 |
Put on your tin foil hats kids, there will be no Detroit Red Wings or Pittsburgh Penguins in the Stanley Cup finals. Call it luck, call it sheer willpower or blame it on forces behind closed doors, but this season, we’ll see two new teams in the finals, competing for the right to be called the hockey champions of the world. It appears for once that the marketing genius’s in the league office (we use the term genius loosely) finally got it right, history will indeed be made.
We here at Hockeyoutsiders have been following several storylines that have broken on the eve of a final and sure to be epic game 7 in the Boston vs. Philadelphia series. So without further tease, here we go.
Unconfirmed reports from the league commissioner’s office say that Mr. Bettman took a large quantity of non-descript pills to help him “sleep” after Pittsburgh’s shocking loss to Montreal last night. Reportedly, one of Mr. Bettman’s assistant’s found him at his desk, unresponsive, except for some mumbling about “his darling Crosby”. He had been working on an emergency modification to the NHL playoff format, which called for the second round series to be extended to a best of nine games. He has since been put on suicide watch, pending the outcome of a psychological evaluation.
In a separate report, TSN color commentator, Pierre “Active Stick” McGuire, was also reported “close to jumping” from the roof of the broadcast studio’s in Canada. He however, was talked down from the ledge, when he was told that his other man crush, Philadelphia Flyer captain, Mike Richards, was not yet eliminated from playoff contention. No further incident was reported in this case, although word out of Canada is that Mr. McGuire will be in Boston on Friday, for game 7. The authorities have been notified.
We're going to burn this mother down!
In related news, Red Wings fans are still whining about playoff officiating.
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 13 May 2010 19:58 )
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