| Position | | Team | Comments |
| 1 (18) |  | Pittsburgh Penguins | Of course, the Penguins are number 1. With every teenage girl in the continent rocking an 87 Crosby or 71 Malkin, there really is no contest. However, don't ask them if they know anything about hockey. |
| 2 (23) |  | New York Rangers | There really is no surprise that the Rangers are in second either. Number one, they churn their roster yearly (I'm sure Gaborik jersey's are flying off the shelves) and of course, they are blessed with a team that doesn't stink....so far. |
| 3 (25) |  | Boston Bruins | It's amazing that the Bruins are third in our rankings due to having to compete against the bandwagon fans loading up on Patriots and Red Sox jersey's. |
| 4 (8) |  | Montreal Canadiens | Our first team north of the border, makes it's appearance on our list. If the Leafs didn't blow so bad, we're sure they would eclipse Montreal. But in addition to already sucking this season, they have almost turned over their entire roster, making Gomez and Gionta jersey's a hot commodity after the century fiasco. |
| 5 (27) |  | Buffalo Sabres | Look, I'm as surprised as the next guy at the Sabres strong showing so far this season. I mean, whose jersey are these guys in upstate NY buying? I would think that the quota of Miller jersey's has been filled. |
| 6 (1) |  | Washington Capitals | Our nations capital sneaks in here, of course, like Pittsburgh, capitalizing on Ovechkin, Semin and Backstrom tween crushes. |
| 7 (2) |  | Chicago Blackhawks | Another franchise cashing in on the baby faces of young stars Toews and Kane. I wonder how many kids are still buying Huet jerseys though? |
| 8 (20) |  | Detroit Red Wings | Is the Red Wings standings based on people buying Franzen jersey's now that he's a Wing for life, or selling their old Hossa numbers? It's looking like it's more of the later than former and I doubt "Hockeytown" can sustain it's ranking much longer. |
| 9 (3) |  | Toronto Maple Leafs | The Leafs finally check in much to our surprise. We would have thought they would dominate everything (at least according to their fans), but somehow, they don't even dominate their own country. We imagine though once Kessel is scoring in a Leafs jersey, they will get a huge jump in the rankings. |
| 10 (19) |  | Philadelphia Flyers | The Flyers round out the top 10 and it's not hard to see why. With continued offseason moves like bringing in a big name like Pronger, they ensure that their merchandise sales will continue to be at or near the top of the league. |
| 11 (26) |  | San Jose Sharks | Sharks management made damn sure they weren't going to slip in the rankings by going out and getting Danny Heatley. His mini-offensive explosion at the beginning of the year has all but ensured that everybody is going to be sporting his jersey down on the boardwalk. |
| 12 (7) |  | Edmonton Oilers | Do their fans still buy Gretzky, Messier, Kurri, Fuhr and Anderson jersey's? This can be the only way Edmonton maintains this ranking because we're pretty sure the sales of Khabibulin jersey's are not that brisk. |
| 13 (5) |  | New Jersey Devils | Really? Seriously? We don't know who continues to buy Devils stuff as they have about 12 fans. They must be really, really rich fans. |
| 14 (12) |  | Anaheim Ducks | We actually thought the Ducks would be a bigger seller in Anaheim, but I guess when you no longer have Disney to peddle your stuff, it's a lot harder to sell. |
| 15 (28) |  | Calgary Flames | We're sure the addition of Jay Bouwmeester provided a huge boost for this team. You can only expect Iginla to do so much. |
| 16 (4) |  | Ottawa Senators | Finally the Wild make a move up our rankings now that fans are trading in their Demitra and Gaborik jersey's for Havlat ones. We're not sure that is that big of an improvement though as he probably won't play in over half their home games per season either. |
| 17 (6) |  | Vancouver Canucks | We imagine that a lot of sales are related to Canucks fans auctioning off their Sundin sweaters, as the Luongo bubble probably burst a season ago. |
| 18 (24) |  | Colorado Avalanche | Again this is another surprise entry from this season. Is new goaltender Craig Anderson that popular or is the waive of nostalgia big enough to spike the sales of Sackic gear? We think it's probably both. |
| 19 (10) |  | St. Louis Blues | Now that fans in St. Louis have realized that their team of young guns might actually be good, we expect them to start to climb in the rankings. |
| 20 (30) |  | Dallas Stars | No surprise here. The Stars didn't do a lot in the off-season, keeping around guys like Modano, Turco and Richards. We doubt too many people rushed out to buy Avery jersey's and even if they did, the supply of those probably expired a year ago. |
| 21 (13) |  | New York Islanders | It's pretty sad, when you can get the next coming of Sidney Crosby and you can't even get your rank above teams that did nothing this off-season. |
| 22 (16) |  | Ottawa Senators | We're sure there are a lot of Sens trying to get rid of Heatley's jersey, even though when they bought it, they figured he was a Senator for life. Canadien's fans are helping to boost sales by purchasing Kovalev 3rd jerseys. |
| 23 (14) |  | Phoenix Coyotes | Phoenix GM, Don Maloney admitted the other day that the organization brought their youngsters along too quickly. Most of these players are back in the minors and until they are brought up and actually become full time contributors, we think their sales will continue to be near the worst in the league. |
| 24 (15) |  | LA Kings | It's hard living in Kobe Bryant's shadow. |
| 25 (17) |  | Columbus Blue Jackets | People in Columbus still wonder why there are fans in their city, sporting a Phoenix Suns jersey. |
| 26 (11) |  | Atlanta Thrashers | If the marketing department of the Thrashers would release #17 Nascar jersey's or #17 camo shirts, their sales would certainly improve. The "blue" number has run it's course. |
| 27 (9) |  | Florida Panthers | You can only sell so many David Booth jerseys. We think though that when the Panthers win the #1 lottery pick (or lose depending on your point of view), their team will take a much needed jump in the rankings. |
| 28 (21) |  | Carolina Hurricanes | The goodwill created by winning the Stanley Cup 4 seasons ago, is finally gone. |
| 29 (29) |  | Tampa Bay Lightning | The goodwill created by winning the Stanley Cup 5 seasons ago, is finally gone, although we would have thought, Stamkos and Hedman would have helped. We guess that the fans just don't give a crap, which everyone seemed to know already except Gary Betman when he decided to put a team here in the first place. |
| 30 (22) |  | Nashville Predators | The Predators last place in our rankings confirms what our accountants already knew. You can't sell hockey in Honkey Tonk country, even if you allow the guy buying the team to purchase them with smoke and mirrors. |
